Every gym bag has that one thing that never comes out. Half a cereal bar from March. A sock with no partner. And in mine, a bottle of Biofrost Relief Gel that's been in there so long it should probably be paying rent.
So this one's about that bottle. Not a big sales pitch, I promise. Just what's actually in it, what it feels like on your skin, and the moments I find myself digging around in the bag for it.
So what is it, then?
A cooling gel. Clear, a bit wobbly when you squeeze it out, and it smells like somebody opened a tin of extra strong mints in a pine forest.
It comes from Finland. That surprised me the first time I read the box, and then it didn't, really. Saunas, frozen lakes, people jumping into holes in the ice for fun. Of course the cold gel's from Finland.
The big bottle is 100ml. There's a 3ml sample sachet too, which is handy if you'd rather try it before buying a full one (or if you just want one in your coat pocket for emergencies, whatever those are). Both are vegan friendly.
What's in the bottle?
Turn it round and the ingredients read like a chemistry test you didn't revise for. It's less scary once you go through it line by line, so let's do that.
Aqua comes first. Water, basically. Most of what you're rubbing in is water, and I reckon that's partly why it never feels greasy.
Alcohol denat is next. Not a pretty name! You get a whiff of it for a second when it first goes on, and then the mint barges in and takes over.
Then menthol. This is the cold one. You know when you suck air through your teeth because something's freezing? Menthol's doing that.
Glycerin after that, spelt "glyserin" on the pack (somebody's spellcheck was having a day off).
Dimethyl sulfone. You'll also see it written as MSM, which sounds like a text from your nan.
Then two oils, eucalyptus leaf oil and peppermint oil. These are the smell. Ever walked past the steam room at the leisure centre just after someone's chucked something minty on the coals? That.
The last two are the long ones nobody says out loud: acrylates/C10-30 alkyl acrylate crosspolymer, and triethanolamine. Bit of a mouthful. As far as I'm concerned they're the reason it's a gel you can actually hold in your palm, not a runny liquid heading for your sock.
Nine ingredients. That's the lot.
What does it feel like?
Cold, and quick about it. The product page says you'll feel the cooling almost straight away, and honestly, yes. No waiting around.
First few seconds are the sharpest bit. On the backs of the knees it can make you go "ooh" out loud in the changing room, which is fine, everyone's heard worse in there. Then it calms down into a fresh, tingly sort of cold that hangs about.
And it vanishes into the skin. That's the bit I like most. You're not left all shiny and tacky, wiping your hands on your shorts and getting it on the car seat.
When do I actually reach for it?
Straight after training is the obvious one. But a few others creep up on you.
The car park, for a start. Session done, legs feel hot and busy, and there's a forty minute drive ahead. I do my calves before I get in, sat sideways on the driver's seat with the door open like I'm waiting for a lift. Then off home.
Long days on your feet. I've got mates who work in warehouses, and a mate who's a chef, and the end of a shift for all of them is the same: sit down, shoes off, legs buzzing. Cold feels good there. That's about all there is to it, but it's enough.
A big Sunday walk. You know the kind. Somebody says "it's only a few miles" and four hours later you're on top of a hill in the Peak District with no snacks left. Back home, shower, bit of gel on the legs, sofa.
Hot weather, too. A sticky bus home in August, a beer garden that turned out to have no shade. The colder the better on days like that.
Last thing at night, now and then, when the day's been long. I quite like that fresh feeling hanging about while I'm nodding off. Some people won't, mind, because the minty smell is strong for a bit. Your other half might have opinions.
Why it lives in the gym bag
Mostly because it's not annoying. Rubs in fast. Doesn't end up all over my kit or smeared across my phone. And the bottle's small, the sachet's tiny, so my trainers still fit.
The sachet is my backup. One lives in the zip pocket of my running jacket, flat enough that I forget it's there until the day I want it. Bit like finding a fiver in an old coat, only mintier.
It doesn't need any faff either. No mixing, no gadgets. Squeeze, rub, done.
If you've got the bag open by the bench and you're thinking "should I bother?", the answer is it takes less time than finding your other sock, so why not.
How I use it
Small amount. Honestly, that's the main thing people get wrong. A small blob goes a lot further than you'd think, and you can always add a bit more. More gel doesn't mean more cold, it just means you're sticky.
I rub it into the skin over the muscle and keep going until it's disappeared. If you can still see it sitting on top, you've either used too much or you've stopped too early.
The pack says you can do a second application within ten minutes. I often do, because the first one gets the skin used to it and the second feels a bit more even. After that, it's no more than four times a day. Don't treat it like hand cream.
Then wash your hands. Properly, with soap, not a quick rinse. You'll understand why the first time you rub your eye afterwards (please don't find out the hard way).
The bits on the pack you shouldn't skip
The warnings are short, so here they are in normal words.
Keep it away from your eyes. It's for use on the outside of the body only. Don't put it on broken skin, cuts, grazes, or skin that's already red and irritated. Don't put a bandage or wrap over the top once it's on.
Wash your hands after. Yes, again. Bottle up high where the kids can't reach it, too. It looks a bit too much like a toy.
If you're pregnant or breastfeeding, or your skin's on the sensitive side, ask your doctor first. If your skin's very sensitive, try a little on a small patch first and see how you get on. And if it starts to irritate, stop using it. Simple as that.
If something feels properly wrong, swollen or not settling, that's one for a doctor or physio, not a gel.
Worth a go?
If you've never tried a cooling gel, grab a sachet and try it after your next session. Sit in the car, do your calves, and see if you pull the face. Most people do the first time.
Biofrost Relief Gel is sold by Maxim Sports, in the 100ml bottle or the 3ml sample.